Awake before dawn, I remembered the dream. I was a speaker for a class of adults at a community college. In the classroom, I began telling the story of my recovery from the trauma of divorce. The energy in the room rose with the power that seemed to be coming from within me, but also through me from a higher source. I spoke eloquently about how the head and the heart are connected, and how that relates to your success. As I spoke about climbing to the top of a tall mountain, then taking a leap of faith off the pinnacle with a hang glider, flying into my new life, the energy kept rising; people in the class were starting to make me feel like a preacher giving a sermon in an African American church, with lots of “Jesus LORD” and “AMENS!” being heard with sporadic bursts of clapping. At the close of my speech, I walked out into a sunny campus where people were asking for my contact information. I tell ya, I kinda felt like the Jenny version of Tony Robbins.
It was an empowering dream. And then I woke up and realized that the head and the heart are almost always in conflict, and aligning those has always either sent me into financial straights or placed barriers in my ambitious efforts to achieve stability and a paycheck with benefits.
My heart gets in the way, almost all the time.