For nearly all my life, I’ve been confused about my true calling. The higher purpose that would bring me to a career. Mid life is here with it’s graying and thinning hair, wrinkles, and weight gain. What am I? What do I?
Perhaps, a composite rock.
A teeming river of aquatic life.
A ring leader.
A side show freak.
All in one.
Some say the obstacles are our teachers.
So this week, I went to my teachers and faced them all. Drawing away from compulsive habits, seeking the still small voice. The space of quiet like a pool of clear water beyond thought. A silent confidence that everything is always currently okay, even if a storm of
cat pee is raining
a husband is raging
a child is crying.
So a pattern emerges in the way the waves are breaking on my shore. A chronic illness I’ve been treating with diet alone now requires a befuddling management of stress.
It must be all in the means. The way I’ve wanted more, and needed less. The way I’ve cared about things I cannot afford to care about.
What do I?